I am so happy to announce that we finally have a Diplo Baby on the way! I am 20 weeks along and due on the 26th of August. I’ve learned so much about myself and my relationships in the past few months!
The path to this point has been full of challenges. We decided not to have a baby in Jakarta after a young friend died from a routine appendectomy. It was a difficult to put off something so important to us, but it wasn’t worth risking my well-being and our future child’s.
Then we moved to Berlin. We found English-speaking doctors and specialists to help us tackle the health problems that have made if difficult to get pregnant. TD and I were willing to do AI and IVF, but we took it step by step with the help of our doctors. After minor surgery, we were able to get pregnant naturally.
Learning to trust myself
One thing I learned from the experience is to trust myself and my body. I prefer not to go to much into the details, but for years I was told by several doctors in Manila and Jakarta that the pain and discomfort I was feeling was all in my mind. I began to doubt myself and almost gave up on getting pregnant.
Because of my self-doubt, I didn’t mention the pain to my German OB at first. But I decided to question the diagnosis of my earlier doctors, trust what my body was telling me and ask my German OB about it. Within a few minutes she told me what the problem was and referred me to a surgeon.
It sounds strange to be so relieved to hear that I needed surgery, but I was! Surgery meant that there was a solution and I wasn’t crazy or imagining things. All these years my body was telling me something.
Slowing down and Simplifying
After recovering from surgery, I gained back my confidence and positivity. We could start trying for a baby again. First on the list was to simplify my days.
Though I miss all my Willkommen in Berlin activitities, I also knew that I had to lay low so that I could focus on taking care of my health and connecting on a deeper level with a smaller group of people. Weekends were spent meeting up for long meals with good friends, long walks with TD and Diplo Dog, and evenings on the couch talking to TD about things that mattered to us. I was never happier!
Part of this process was also laying low with the blog and social networks; Striving to be present to enjoy the moments instead of capturing it.
Letting go of negative people
This was not easy because I had to stop talking to certain loved ones, who mean well, but brought only negativity and stress. Imagine not being able to sleep and eat every time you interacted with someone… worrying about problems they tell you to worry about. One day I had a lightbulb moment and realized that this person was actually the one creating the problems. I do not have to get drawn into issues another person has created. It is not my obligation to fulfill someone else’s expectations of me. Very empowering stuff!
From that moment on, I resolved to only do things and surround myself with people that gave me positive energy.
Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ― Deborah Reber,
Taking real vacations
We also decided to schedule some relaxing vacations to Nice and Barcelona. This time I told TD I did not want to go to museums and sight-seeing. We took leisurely walks, savored food in restaurants the locals frequented and took siestas in the afternoon. Our only goal was to have a restful and enjoyable time together, away from our regular lives.
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This was so important because when we traveled in Asia, I noticed that most of the time we felt more tired after a vacation, instead of being rejuvenated and ready to go back to the real world. I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation! Does this happen to you too?
Learning as we go along
TD and I are both thrilled to welcome our first baby and at the same time freaking out because we know absolutely nothing about babies. Both of us have never had practice with baby siblings, so it’s only natural to be scared. We told ourselves that we will figure it out as we go along and that we want to decide for ourselves what is right for us and our baby, instead of blindly believing all the popular beliefs and myths about pregnancy.
Listening to my body
The first trimester was especially difficult for me. My all-day-sickness and nausea was so bad that I could barely move my head without having a dizzy spell. Also my body just wanted to sleep so the doctor said I should just listen to my body and rest during the first trimester. For most of it, I was on bedrest.
The challenges of bed rest
I was looking forward to the second trimester when my doctor said I could start exercising and I would be feeling better all over. It was not meant to be for me because I had a terrible scare on my 17th week. I bled a lot one night and we were terrified we had lost the baby. The OB reassured me that the baby was okay but that I had a hematoma and I need to be on complete bedrest. I was to go from bed to sofa and only get up to eat and go to the bathroom.
When your husband is the only person you see for weeks at a time, it puts too much pressure on your partner. It’s important to socialize and surround yourself with a support network. Lately my doctor told me I can get out of bed if I walked slowly and did not strain myself. I am so happy that I can go out again, even if it’s just for short periods of time. I feel exhausted having lunch out or an appointment to the doctor so I can only schedule one thing a day – if any at all. Most days I still stay home.
Taking it a day at a time
I cannot say if I will be blogging regularly from now on because I do not know how I will be feeling tomorrow, much less next week. One thing is for sure, we have the strength and wisdom to figure things out along the way and I will remind myself to…
Slow down, simplify and take it one day at a time.
Trust yourself and listen to your body.
In the end, you decide what is best for your family.
Don’t lose sight of what is truly important.
Enjoy and savor the moments in life first. Take pictures later.
What lessons did you learn during your own pregnancies? I would love to hear from you.