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My Thoughts on the Book Eat Pray Love

July 20, 2010

It took me a long time to finish this book. In fact I stopped reading it while I was halfway through Book 1/Italy/”Say It Like You Eat It” because for some reason it just didn’t call to me. Or perhaps it was too difficult to read because I myself was gaining all that weight but didn’t have the fabulous excuse of an Italian adventure, but rather just the lousy excuse of enjoying being a couch potato after being such a “Type A” personality all my life. Or her agony/suffering/darkness in the beginning may have reminded me of those dark years of my life which, though I have surpassed and has made me into the person I am today, still squeezes my heart in pain & knocks the air out of me whenever I remember how it felt to be in that darkness. But basically I read this book very slow because all throughout I also needed to reflect on my own existential crises.

What made me continue?

Enjoyed my muffin while reading Eat Pray Love on a flight to Singapore - of course I didn't get to read it there because I was too tired when I got home from all the walking!

 

The view of the cottages & rice fields from the lobby of Tegal Sari Hotel in Ubud. Thanks to R & C for recommending this lovely hotel to us! This was where they spent their honeymoon.

I was inspired to start reading it again by my trip to Bali last March, wherein we stayed a night in Ubud. During that trip I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert‘s next book Committed, which was definitely apt because I still feel “newly married” and adjusting to this new life as a housewife and losing my identity as a marketing workhorse. Stay tuned for a separate post on Committed.

When I got home from Bali, I picked up where I left off with Eat Pray Love. I couldn’t wait to get to Book 3/Indonesia – and to feel that Bali vibe again. Yes I am one of those people who have always wanted to live by the sea for a month or 2  (I wouldn’t mind a place like Ubud either) just because I find the sound of the waves therapeutic and the sea air makes me forget that I have asthma and all my allergies.

I can relate to the author in so many ways (as do millions of other people), which is the beauty of Liz’s writing. She is able to put into such beautiful words the thoughts that we don’t dare say out loud, and we feel normal and beautiful again. We are not so bad after all.

In an alternate life I could have been a band groupie or surfer chick, whose days are spent by whichever beach we thought of the week before. But life is funny and without even thinking it was a possibility for me, here I am a diplomatic wife, who will never be able to live that bohemian lifestyle. It is not, after all, fitting for a diplowife.

Yes that little spec on the lower left corner is me surfing the white waters of Kota!

“The philosopher Sufi said that God drew a circle around the exact spot you are standing on. I was never not going to be here. This was never not going to happen.”

When I read this line, I feel free of my longings and musings for that alternate life. I feel like it’s all going to be okay. That, if those 1-2 months of life by the sea (or Ubud) where I can be artsy, reflective & bohemian, is going to happen, then it will. Besides why can’t I be all those things right now? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Just my expectation that it doesn’t fit with my lifestyle. Well fuck that. I can live a life of creativity & wonder no matter what. (Somehow I always think of my creativity teacher, the awesome Jim Paredes, with the words “creativity” and “wonder”) But why do I always forget this? Why is it so easy to be lulled into complacency – that life is what happens to you and not what you make of it?

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort.  You fight for it, you strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep on swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when you’re crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.

I must confess I haven’t been feeling “right” since I moved from Manila, but was too busy traveling back and forth to figure it out. Now that I’m more settled in, I’ve had some time to think about it. I’ve been living in limbo, neither happy nor sad. The lack of deadlines or a work schedule had me lulled into this sleepwalking state. On the outside it seems normal & functional. But my emotional, psychological state is a wreck. And after working so hard to be happy & healthy emotionally, I just let it go. I forgot to write – writing in my journal was my form of daily prayer to God, Universe or whatever you choose to call Him/Her. It was how I said “thank you” for all my blessings and remembered the little things. It was also how talked to my “Self,” to center and reassure. No wonder I was feeling out of sorts! I finally bought a new journal and a brown pen to match. I think the old journal also held too much of the past and too many sad memories so this was my symbolic way of letting them go. Time to get back to “Diligent Joy!”

1. Eating in moderation & exercise

Part of my sadness has been all the weight I’ve gained, which has led me to not feel good about myself. Or maybe I didn’t feel good, so I let myself go, which led me to not feel good about myself further, so I emotionally ate… etc.,etc. It’s a vicious cycle!

She (Guru) encourages us to eat in moderation and without desperate gulps, to not extinguish the sacred fire in our bodies by dumping too much food into our digestive tracts too fast… It only stands to reason that you’ll have trouble gliding lightly into transcendence when your guts are struggling to churn through a sausage calzone, a pound of buffalo wings and half a coconut cream pie.

I love food, I love cooking it, taking pictures of it and just enjoying it. And I love that Liz loves it too. I feel totally the same way about buffets – I have very low EQ (Emotional Quotient) when it comes to them!

Plus, meals are served buffet-style, and it never has been easy for me to resist taking a second or third turn at bat when beautiful food is just lying out there in the open, smelling good and costing nothing.

Basically I’ve a big appetite and I’m not really embarrassed by it. However I am not practicing enough discipline and doing enough physical activity, not just to lose weight, but to keep myself fit. Definitely have to do more tennis.

(image: www.sodahead.com)

2. Yoga & Meditation

I’ve started to do yoga at home before. I’ve always been embarrassed to take exercise classes, just because I’m a one-on-one kind of girl (hence my interests in non-team sports like surfing and tennis) so this is not an option for me. I think I’ll go back to yoga but instead of doing “pretzel like exercises for the body,” I’ll do it for my mind as well.

The ancients developed these physical stretches not for personal fitness, but to loosen up their muscles and minds in order to prepare them for meditation…. But Yoga can also mean trying to find God through meditation, through scholarly study, through the practice of silence, through devotional service, or through mantra…

(Image: Valley Girl Blog)

My Thai friend, S, once told me she tries to practice 30 mins of meditation a day. And the main goal is to strengthen her control of her mind, and this makes her able to control her mind during stressful situations in her life. Sometimes she is only able to do it for a few mins, but this is good enough for the day. This is definitely something I need because I can totally relate to this portion of Gilbert’s book:

“Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the ‘monkey mind’– the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit, and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined.”

Therefore…

“If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind”.

3. Going on an Artist’s Date at least once a week

Gili Meno

(Image: Indonesia Archipelago)

Her story about the time she went to Gili Meno to be alone reminded me of the time in my life wherein I stopped seeing my friends for an entire month. It all started with an assignment in Jim Paredes‘ creativity class to have an artist’s date at least once a week. An artist’s date, is a date with oneself doing whatever one loves to do without any influence from any outside forces. So if you love watching movies then go for it, alone. If you love having coffee/eating at this particular resto/writing/etc. then do it! Alone. And I realized after doing so many things in my life to please other people or to look good in other people’s eyes, I did not know who I was without other’s expectations. So I decided that I would have an artist’s date with myself for a month. An entire month of just going to class and doing everything by myself. I would always ask myself “What do you want to do, if you only had yourself to consider?” or “What would you eat if no one else had a say?” It was a wonderful month – writing, reflecting, talking long walks, movies, eating, coffee… I got to know myself finally and I felt so at peace. I’ve forgotten to have an artist’s date over the years and it’s one thing I need to bring back!

4. Be more gentle and forgiving of myself

I loved it when she quoted the Bhagavad Ghita:

“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.”

I have to keep telling myself that I am wonderful just the way I am and I don’t have to try to be like anyone else. My holiness is in becoming more me and loving myself the way I am.

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it – I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and noting will ever exhaust me.”

5. Let go of my resentments and grudges

As smoking is to the lungs, so it resentment to the soul…even one puff is bad for you.

I am great at keeping grudges, sometimes to the point of not even remembering why I had that grudge in the first place, but still feeling negatively towards someone. I need to let go! Let me point out though, that this does not mean I should just let everyone who ever hurt me or was a negative force back into my life. That would just be plain stupid. It means that I should not let the negative emotions associated with these experiences continue to reside and take up space in my heart. However the decision to not have those negative people in my life and instead fill my life with people I love should still hold.

6. Stop being afraid

I will never forget how many times Jim Paredes said this, “there is no fear in the now!” When you are focused in the present there is no fear or regret. Regret comes from thinking of the past, while fear comes from thinking of the future. So it is in enjoying the moment now that we can find true happiness.

“I knew then that this is how God loves us all and receives us all, and that there is no such thing in this universe as hell, except maybe in our own terrified minds. Because if even one broken and limited human being could experience even one such episode of absolute forgiveness and acceptance of her own self, then imagine – just imagine! – what God, in all His eternal compassion, can forgive and accept..”

7. Stop being such a control freak – let go!

I think this says it all…

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life”

(Image: Zen Habits)

There are so many other quotes from Eat Pray Love that I would have wanted to include, but as it is, this post is already much, much too long! Maybe will post more thoughts & quotes next time I reread the book!

16 Comments · The Diplomatic Wife

Comments

  1. thoughtsappear says

    July 20, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    Great quotes! This book is on my list of books to read.

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      July 20, 2010 at 2:08 PM

      Hello Thoughts Appear! Based on what I read on your blog, I think you’re totally going to enjoy it! Let me know once you do get to it! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

      Reply
  2. Rosey says

    July 20, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    Such a nice read! Thanks for the wonderful words of wisdom! 😀 This encouraged me to actually finish the book (we’ll see… haha!) and think about doing the Artist’s date. Hehe. Would you recommend it? 🙂

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      July 20, 2010 at 12:17 PM

      Thanks so much Rosey! I understand that the first part of the book can be difficult to get through. Yes I definitely recommend it… It’s really good for you!

      Reply
  3. Jenn says

    July 20, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    Hey guess what. I just recently started doing artist dates again – and had forgotten about there’s no fear in the now. Must write that down and pin it up somewhere I’ll see every day. Thanks for reminding me.

    This book also came at the perfect time for me, Nieves Lim (one of sach’s many aunts) recommended it when I was going through a funk.

    The difficult part to get through for me was the praying part in India, when she was having an awful time at the monastery. I had to put it down for a few weeks until I was ready to continue – I LOVED the Italy part so much. I can totally relate to buying *just one last* pair of pants to accommodate the expanding waistline. Man, eating that well would be heaven. I think maybe the no sex part would play a big part in it being guiltless for me… since no one was gonna be seeing me naked anyway, you know…

    And the part where she falls in love. OH LAWD- Loved it! The movie better be good.

    I’ll definitely pick up committed since you recommend it.

    Muwahs.

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      July 20, 2010 at 2:18 PM

      Hey Jenn! I am glad to have reminded you of it! I gotta pin it up somewhere too!

      Yes the praying part in India was soooooo hard to get through. I seriously would read a few pages every couple of days!

      I actually need new pants & shorts because the last ones I bought don’t fit anymore! But I totally did not give in during the great Jakarta sale! I am going to put my foot down – this is my ceiling weight! And I will just have to lose it or not have anything to wear! I hope this works! =P

      Movies are never really as good as the book because they can’t include everything that was in the book – especially the thought process. So I’m not expecting it to be as good. But for a movie, it better be.

      Ta lent me her copy because she thought it would speak to me. I think you’re going to love it! Let me know what you think when you do! *HUGS*

      Reply
  4. Patricia says

    August 6, 2010 at 11:09 PM

    Thanks for this diplowife! This post definitely reminded me of mine too! haha. Hang on in there, remember to prioritize loving YOURSELF first, and the rest will fall into place.

    I can totally relate to what I call the “Type A cycle” – after years of being “busy” for other people, you just become so exhausted, and decide to let go. When I decided to focus on myself, I lost the weight, gained focus, and surprisingly, did things even better!

    Thank you for sharing this. Now I know what the fuss about the book is all about. Will definitely snatch a copy for myself.

    You ARE a wonderful person and I resonate so strongly with your thoughts. I’ve only recently started writing again, and I admire your commitment to the craft. It really does refresh the soul. Thank you for inspiring me,

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      August 12, 2010 at 4:44 PM

      I’ve always wondered how you lost the weight! Care to share your secret with me? I’d love to hear how you focused on yourself and the process you learned to love yourself again. “Prioritize loving yourself first” – I love this! Thanks for reminding me Patricia!

      Reply
  5. Carmen says

    August 10, 2010 at 5:19 PM

    Hey sweetie,

    I’m currenty reading the book and like you could not read it all at once in one sitting- which is what I usually do.

    I’m about to start on India now. Funny, I had a David very recently and I hope I am finally able to sever ties with him. You also know I have my own version of the “husband” too.

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      August 12, 2010 at 4:48 PM

      Hey Carmen, You are going to love India Sweety! It gets very spiritual (obviously) and it will be wonderful for you to go through her realizations/awakening/letting go in your current state of mind. She writes it so beautifully and vividly that you really feel/experience it. Feel free to drop me a line when something strikes you! I’d love to hear your thoughts anytime!

      Reply
  6. Josephine says

    October 31, 2010 at 4:45 AM

    Love love love your thoughts!
    –
    And i now know where to stay in Ubud when we get there next week! Hoorayyyy thanks muchos!!! =)

    Reply
  7. Maddie says

    February 3, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    A very inspiring post! 🙂

    I also wanted to read Eat, Love, Pray but chickened out when my friend told me, I might break off with my BF. haha.

    BTW, did you study in Diliman? My prof also had this artist date 🙂

    Reply
    • thediplomaticwife says

      February 4, 2011 at 4:03 AM

      Hi Maddie, thank you I am glad you thought so! I highly encourage reading the book. I am a firm believer that what is REAL will remain yours. But if you lose someone then he was never really yours in the first place. Just my two cents. Do let me know when you get to read the book! I would love to hear your thoughts! No I did not study in Diliman. The artist date is a concept from the book The Artist’s Way. Perhaps your teacher has read it as well.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Charging Station in Action! « The Diplomatic Wife says:
    January 26, 2011 at 12:09 AM

    […] realized while we were on vacation recently in Lombok Island (near the Gili Islands mentioned in Eat Pray Love) that we should be bringing this charger instead of all our chargers for our Blackberries, iPhone, […]

    Reply
  2. BOOK ❤ Trail of Crumbs: hunger, love and the search for home | The Diplomatic Wife says:
    October 8, 2013 at 5:22 PM

    […] search for home. For example, I was surprised to learn that I have friends who cannot relate to the Elizabeth Gilbert’s anguish and longings in Eat Pray Love. They found Gilbert too annoying and too whiny. I respect their opinions, though it took me by […]

    Reply
  3. BOOK ❤ The Happiness Project | The Diplomatic Wife says:
    October 8, 2013 at 11:13 PM

    […] need to be unhappy or depressed to appreciate this book. You don’t have to be in an Eat Pray Love stage of pain or at the lowest point in your life. Though if you are, I’m sure you’ll […]

    Reply

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Hello! I’m Ayessa, trailing spouse to a diplomat, mama to DiploBaby and DiploDog and founder of Declutter MNL. I love talking about how to achieve a minimaluxe lifestyle one step at a time.

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Every year I add a little bit more to my Halloween Every year I add a little bit more to my Halloween decor collection so it’s not so heavy on the wallet. I’m so happy with this year’s finds & make sure to carefully store them so they have many more years of use.

It was @diplobaby’s idea to add googly eyes to the bats. So we did it together! I love the one eyed bats 🦇 and I love it when we decorate together! Definitely one for the core memory banks! 👻🎃🤍

I was tickled pink coz people would pass by and take pics, stare or even tell me good job. 🎃 Halloween is really my favorite holiday!

What do you think of our Halloween prep this year?

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I couldn’t stop laughing! It was still a little I couldn’t stop laughing! It was still a little too long for him this year but we sure got a kick from it.

DM me if you want to know where to order!

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VILLAGE PUMPKIN CARVING EVENT Every year I look f VILLAGE PUMPKIN CARVING EVENT

Every year I look forward to this event for families in our village. We also invite our friends outside the village coz it’s so much fun for families. Parents and kids can come in costume. It’s done beside a fabulous park so kids can run around and play.

The pumpkins 🎃 might be overpriced (the bigger ones went from chf 18 last year to chf 23 this year) BUT it includes the free use of NIFTY CARVING TOOLS, waste disposal, clean up & cute decor that the organizers have provided.

We draw together. TD removes the guts. Then @diplobaby & i do the carving together with our son and it’s a controlled way of showing him how to use the tools in a safe way. Which is something I appreciate in Europe.

One year we tried pumpkin 🎃 carving at home and clean up was a totally nightmare. Never doing it again!

Then when kids and parents are are hungry we can buy food & drinks. 

We go home with a carved pumpkin 🎃 & don’t have to do the clean up. The pumpkin guts are also turned into soup by the organizers.

It’s also a good way for parents to unwind, catch up while the kids play in the playground. We usually see our neighbors here too.

It’s a win win for everyone & it reduces unused waste. I love it so much!

We never did pumpkins before coz it would rot@so fast in Asia. But i  the past 3 seasons of doing this I’ve learned so many tips and tricks for pumpkin 🎃 carving - especially how to prevent molds and insects. Let me know if you want me to do a separate post on that!

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This is our BALCONY/TRASH SEGREGATION AREA.

Because we use it to entertain in SPRING & AUTUMN (too hot & too many insects in summer) I made sure that the trash segregation remains AESTHETIC by using white @ikeaschweiz SEGREGATION BINS.

So far SWITZERLAND TRASH SEGREGATION in our experience is even more complex than GERMANY but it has led to at least 50% RECYCLING rate which is pretty good, even though Germany still has the highest rate of recycling 66%

Let me know if you want to know more about how we manage trash in our village.

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Definitely a highlight of our Barcelona trip!
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